THE AVERAGE JOE BACHELOR PARTY

Jon here. I've hacked into Joe's blog to inform his readers that we're going to broadcast Joe's bachelor party TONIGHT at about 7.

The windows below should provide you access. If not, just go to the actual link at:
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/thejonblogcam

Live TV : Ustream

8 Steps to Protect Your Engagement

So, I'm only seven days away from getting married. I've always heard that it is tough to stay chaste during an engagement because of the temptations of the devil. I'd have to say that tuning things down during the engagement was surprisingly easy, and I am here to share my secrets. We may even give seminars to young adults later on in life and become famous speakers :)

Step One: Make sure that she moves in with her married sister/brother (especially if the sister has young children around). You'll never lack privacy, and it's hard to fine any alone time or alone place.

Step Two: Move in with a roommate who owns his own house, is pretty straight-laced and that you'd be embarrassed to get caught making out around (thanks, Pete!)

Step Three: Buy a house or at least pretend like your gonna buy a house. I've found the house buying process kills a woman's libido because she'll act like she likes the house more than her own fiance.

Step Four: Keep the engagement short. 8-12 weeks is plenty of time to plan a wedding. I don't understand these people that can wait 6-12 months. That's how you ruin a wedding, silly!

Step Five: Get a puppy. A puppy needs constant attention and will pee if you turn your head away for one second. The frustration of training it washes away any raging hormones.

Step Six: If you're still feeling randy, get ANOTHER puppy! We did it (and yes, we are insane)

Step Seven: When you buy the house (see Step 3), make sure it's a fixer upper. The chance for any temptations is low when the carpet smells like a mixture of cat pee, old lady, and cigarette smoke :)

Step Eight: The only serious note of this article, make sure to start praying together the closer you get to the wedding. My friend suggested it and it really works.

In fact, all these steps work so well, that sometimes you wonder if you're libido will magically kick back in the first night of marriage and honeymoon. Don't worry, I'm not worried. I know I'll be fine. I'm Average Joe.

See you all at the wedding!

Two weeks to go

Well, not a whole lot to say in the world of sports...

But I am getting married in two weeks to the beautiful Camille Porter. We are also closing on our home in the next 24 hours. It's all crazy and happening so fast.

If you would have asked me six months ago if I was getting married, buying a house, AND having two cats and two dogs, I would not have believed it.

Well, be-lee dat!

Hope to see you all at the wedding in two weeks!

Super "Awesome" Bowl

Although my Ravens lost to the stupid Colts, at least they were able to dominate the Patriots in the first round. I couldn't be happier for RB Ray Rice and his breakout Pro Bowl season, along with radical rookie Michael Oher from "The Blindside". I am very excited about the matchup of Saints QB Drew Brees vs. four-time NFL MVP Peyton Manning and his star rookie receiver, BYU's own Austin Collie!

The Jazz are being stubborn and not trading Carlos Boozer while his stock is high. Please don't wait until the off-season to trade him. Get something for him now while he's averaging 20 points and 10 rebounds. Why did you give Paul Millsap the $$$ this summer if you're too stubborn to trade Boozer. It makes no sense!

BYU men's basketball is enjoying it's best regular season since 1988 (when I moved from Idaho Falls to the state of Washington at the age of 9) and I didn't even play H-O-R-S-E in the driveway. I hope the Cougars can get a Mountain West regular season and tournament championship, secure a 3 or 4 seed and actually win a game in March Madness. It's time for the NCAA tournament losing streak to stop.

Oh, and I am officially engaged to a lovely girl named Camille. We are getting married March 26th in Salt Lake. We are super busy trying to buy a house and plan a wedding. It's lucky I even had time for this blog... oh, and we got a puppy, who keeps us plenty busy, too.

2009: Year in Review

2009 has come and gone faster than I can rememeber! The year and decade are now over. What a weird decade and I will post a 2000's recap a little later.

Last year, I wrote a funny 2008 Christmas Card entry at http://averagejoesports.blogspot.com/2008/12/2008-christmas-card.html to catch up on what happened last year in my life. This year, I'll just recap.

January: I ventured out on my first-ever single’s cruise to Mexico . I enjoyed non-stop gorging on cruise food , seeing the location where the 1984 movie “Predator” in Puerto Vallarta was filmed, and paying off some dirty cops in Matzatlan after my friend injured herself on a 4-wheeler.

February: I welcomed two new nephews into my family, baby Seth and baby Jonah.

March: My sister Beka was married in Logan and we introduced a really cool brother-in-law to the family, Nathan.

April: We’ll call this chick concert month because I went to see Lily Allen, the Ting Tings, and Britney Spears. I must have been feeling a lot of estrogen that month. Full story at: http://averagejoesports.blogspot.com/2009/04/lily-allen-ting-tings-britney-jocelyn.html

May: I enjoyed a trip to Zions National Park , and also finished editing a movie that I filmed all the way back in 2006.

June: This was a fun month because our softball team (which is usually terrible) named “Jim’s Orphans” finally started winning and we were on our way to becoming softball champions. To read more: http://averagejoesports.blogspot.com/2009/07/jims-orphans-2009-softball-champs.html Oh, I got an iPhone and joined Twitter. http://www.twitter.com/averagejoseph

July: My 30^th birthday! What an event filled weekend. First my, grandpa died, then I had a film festival for my movie http://www.dunkballmovie.com On the way down to the film festival, our car broke down, so I spent a good part of my 30^th birthday stuck in Barstow, CA with a crook who disguised himself as an owner of an auto repair shop. “Dunkball” won the film festival for "Best Micro Short", and when I got back, I found out that I had been laid off from my job at z-bank.

August: This was quite an eventful month because two things happened simultaneously. I found a new job and a new girlfriend in the same week. Just when I thought I was going to become an unemployed bum with thoughts of relocating anywhere I could, I found peace a solace in a new and exciting position with an amazing girlfriend named Camille.

September: I went to California w/ Camille for the SoCal Film Festival where “Dunkball” was screened.

October: Rocked the best Halloween costume ever as David Bowie from the movie “The Labrynth” and I hit my first ever home runs of my life in a softball game.

November: Enjoyed the best Thanksgiving in years with most of my family up in Kennewick , WA .

December: Welcomed Camille back from her month-long trip to southeast Asia. And spend Christmas with her family and New Years in a hot tub on the 26th floor of American Towers watching the fireworks.

Hopefully, 2010 can be the best year and decade ever!

Intoducing my Podcast

Check out Average Joe's Sports Podcast:

http://averagejoepodcast.blogspot.com/

I loved watching BYU win in dramatic fashion (although I would love at least one Cougar blowout victory over the rival)

Also, Max Hall's did a good job of changing his image of a QB who couldn't win the close game to the "classless Cougar". Way to go, Max! You said what most Cougars think, but the irony is you made yourself look as classless as they come.

And Bronco, have the stones to try and win before overtime.

Dear Peter King,

Dear Peter King:

Today on Twitter, you announced that one of your Tweeps would have the privilege to write 500 words in your upcoming column. Here is a sample of the story you would get:

One Sunday evening at the impressionable age of 9, I stumbled across a football game. I watched in awe as a guy named Joe Montana threw the ball to someone named John Taylor and everyone celebrated as a team called the 49ers (apparently named after the California Gold Rush of 1849) won something called the Super Bowl.

I was hooked! This Joe Cool became a poster on my wall from that moment until I graduated high school from a rural town called Benton City, WA (pop. 2,000). I became fixated with sports, sneakily watching games on my tiny black-and-white television as my mom didn't like catching me watching football on Sundays in our religious household.

While enrolled at Brigham Young University, Super Bowl winning coach Brian Billick came to talk to the communications department he had graduated from twenty years earlier before becoming a national icon. He spoke of his roots and how he became who he was.

That moment, I learned that I had a shot at becoming an intern with the NFL to fulfill a lifelong dream of working in professional sports. I changed my major to public relations and left my cushy college job to spent the next two years using my Friday nights writing articles on women's soccer with hope of building a resume worthy of the Baltimore Ravens.

Two years later, the moment for applying came to pass as I sent my resume into the Ravens. I waited anxiously. Eventually, the Ravens called for an interview. I was sure that they could feel my nervous excitement pushing through the cell phone. Weeks later, they called. I was headed to training camp 2003 in Owings Mills, Maryland.

I remember the first time Brian Billick called for my boss, Kevin Byrne. Coach Billick was boarding a plane and wanted to chat before takeoff. I was nervous, and I couldn't find Mr. Byrne anywhere. I ran all over the building with no luck. Minutes later, I saw Kevin at his desk and informed him that Coach Billick had called, and he frowned at me and told me he was in the men's room and the next time to go find him in the bathroom because he couldn't return the call until coach landed. I learned that in the NFL, everything is important.

I remember answering the phone and Joe Browne, one of the league's senior officials was asking me if Kevin was there, and I said "Yeah". He told me that I should answer questions by saying "Yes" and not "Yeah". I learned that in the NFL, old school manners are important.

I remember defensive coordinator Mike Nolan's wife would bring in cookies every Tuesday to all the staff who worked long hours and rarely saw their families during the season. I learned that in the NFL, family is important.

I remember going in the locker room after practice one evening and seeing Pro Bowl LB Adalius Thomas playing chess with a young boy as part of his community service. I learned in the NFL, service is important.

I remember Jamal Lewis breaking the then-NFL single rushing game record with 295 yards against the Browns and tossing his final touchdown into the stands. Later that week, the fan that caught the football came to the facility, met Jamal, and had the football signed! In the NFL, players aren't too important.

I remember undrafted DT Kelly Gregg getting a five-year lucrative contract extension, the first guaranteed money of his career. I asked him if he would finally replace his used Pontiac Grand Prix he drove to practice every day. He said, "Nah, it still runs fine". In the NFL, money isn't always important.

Finally, I learned that even after my nine-month ride as a PR intern was over, I still mattered. Three years later, I returned to watch a game as the late-Steve McNair defeated the pre-prison Michael Vick in a November game in 2006 as the Ravens finished the season 13-3. I was able to visit the locker room after the game (as if I still I still worked for the team and say hi to Todd Heap, Ed Reed, and Terrell Suggs) and as I was leaving Kevin Byrne, my former boss and forever friend) said "We won, feel free to come back anytime. You're good luck"

In the NFL, every fan is important.