Thursday, March 18, 2010

8 Steps to Protect Your Engagement

So, I'm only seven days away from getting married. I've always heard that it is tough to stay chaste during an engagement because of the temptations of the devil. I'd have to say that tuning things down during the engagement was surprisingly easy, and I am here to share my secrets. We may even give seminars to young adults later on in life and become famous speakers :)

Step One: Make sure that she moves in with her married sister/brother (especially if the sister has young children around). You'll never lack privacy, and it's hard to fine any alone time or alone place.

Step Two: Move in with a roommate who owns his own house, is pretty straight-laced and that you'd be embarrassed to get caught making out around (thanks, Pete!)

Step Three: Buy a house or at least pretend like your gonna buy a house. I've found the house buying process kills a woman's libido because she'll act like she likes the house more than her own fiance.

Step Four: Keep the engagement short. 8-12 weeks is plenty of time to plan a wedding. I don't understand these people that can wait 6-12 months. That's how you ruin a wedding, silly!

Step Five: Get a puppy. A puppy needs constant attention and will pee if you turn your head away for one second. The frustration of training it washes away any raging hormones.

Step Six: If you're still feeling randy, get ANOTHER puppy! We did it (and yes, we are insane)

Step Seven: When you buy the house (see Step 3), make sure it's a fixer upper. The chance for any temptations is low when the carpet smells like a mixture of cat pee, old lady, and cigarette smoke :)

Step Eight: The only serious note of this article, make sure to start praying together the closer you get to the wedding. My friend suggested it and it really works.

In fact, all these steps work so well, that sometimes you wonder if you're libido will magically kick back in the first night of marriage and honeymoon. Don't worry, I'm not worried. I know I'll be fine. I'm Average Joe.

See you all at the wedding!


Kristi said...

Yay! I'm glad you posted this. Good luck this next week...

jaime said...

Congrats on not humping pre-wedding and thanks for the tips! You two are awesome and I can't wait for the wedding! Love you guys!

Luanne Hardy said...

You should give seminars. That made me remember how hard it was while I was engaged. We had to wait six months because we wanted a member of Michael's family to be able to be at our sealing and DANG it was hard! I'm so excited you are so close!

tasymac mark said...

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