It's Playoff Time

Dear Readers,

I apologize for being so lazy these past few months. Now that the NBA playoffs have arrived, I will try to update my blog a few times per week. I hope you enjoy the entries.

With apologies,

Average Joe

April 21, 2008

The NBA playoffs are finally here. They're probably the most anticipated playoffs ever, at least for the Western Conference. Every team in the West notched 50 wins (first time ever) and with the first round now being a best-of-seven format, it's more exciting than ever.

I was originally against the first round being a best-of-seven series because I thought it reduced the chance for any upsets, but thanks to the Golden State Warriors and their historic upset of the No. 1 seed Dallas Mavericks last season, the first round only got better. Unfortunately, the Eastern Conference has to play a best-of-seven as well.

It's kind of sad, because you would think that the Eastern Conference would have a bright future or the chance to make the turnaround, but it hasn't and I don't think it will for another decade. In the NFL, the NFC used to dominate the AFC for something like 12 straight Superbowl wins in the 80s and 90s. But now the AFC is considered the cream of the crop even though the Giants pulled the upset last season. I guess the Eastern Conference used to dominate the Western Conference when Jordan was in his prime (he won 6 titles for the East in the 90s). But I didn't consider the Eastern Conference deep at that time. They had Jordan, but the rest wasn't that good...

Even now with Durrant going to the okay Sonics and Greg Oden going to the already talented Portland no longer "Jail" Blazers, the West appears to have the future. The Lakers are good for another five years. The Jazz and Hornets are set up for the future with Deron Williams and Chris Paul. Even the Warriors are relatively young. The only old teams without a future plan are the Spurs, Mavericks, and Suns, but they can be replaced with the Sonics, Warriors and Blazers for all I care.

But the East, yikes! The Pistons will be okay. The Celtics will only be good for another two years, tops. The Raptors are talented, but shouldn't win any titles anytime soon. The Nets won't be good for a while. The Cavs are only good as long as LeBron wants to be there. The Wizards aren't contending for any titles, and the young Hawks and 76ers are still the Hawks and 76ers. And that brings us to the biggest mess of all -- The New York Knicks.

This team needs to cut both Stephon Marbury and Zack Randolph. They have no cap room nor draft picks until 2011. They finally fired Isiah Thomas as GM and coach, but why are they are keeping him on as an "adviser" that makes $5 million a season? I don't get it. Why not get rid of the wart completely? How did he keep his job this long? Wasn't there away to get rid of his contract and fire him after the sexual harrassment case last summer? Shouldn't there be a legal cause to dump him due to breach of contract with that huge mess? I don't know of very many Americans that would keep their job after costing their company such an ugly lawsuit. He shouldn't even have received the contract extension in the first place. At the time the Knicks were barely holding on the final playoff spot in the Leastern Conference with 25 games to go!!! And then they promptly fell apart and got even worse after getting rid of Steve "I'll ruin a Franchise" Francis.

Wow. Isiah Thomas is living the American Dream. He gets paid full-salary after ruining an entire franchise, gets fired and still keeps a job with a team as a "consultant." What is he going to advise? How to trade for bad players? How to not have any draft picks? How to maintain sexual harassment with the marquee franchise of the NBA? It's just plain wrong that he be associated with the league at all. I know you are a Hall of Fame player, but just leave it at that and go do something else.

The Knicks problems start at the top with their owner, Mr. Dolan. Some billionaire needs to step in and buy the Knicks. Dolan has allowed this mess to go on ever since he took over. Things will only get better once he is gone for good. I know that NBA commissioner David Stern can make this happen. If he can get rid of the Seattle Sonics and allow teams like the Memphis Grizzlies, Charlotte Bobcats, Sacramento Kings and Milwaukee Bucks stay in the league, then he can manage a sale of the Knicks to somebody who actually cares. This is the only way to save his legacy after what he has done to Seattle.

I don't get it. The NFL can't get a team in Los Angeles (a city that doesn't care about pro football, but the second biggest market in the country). The NBA can't fix their marquee franchise from going down the toilet under Mr. Dolan's ownership and the MLB still manages to get record attendance with Bud Selig and the steroids mess. I'm glad I no longer want to work in professional sports.

20-25

Dear readers (all sixof you). We have updated the Top-25 list and hopefully we can double it to the Top-50 of celebrities that you would want to hang out with. The idea of it was that it is a list of people we would hang out with if they were normal people.

The Goal: 100 names of celebrities, actors, athletes, entertainers, musicians, comedians, writers or just anyone with a name who you could see hanging out with (watching the game, playing some Xbox, shooting the breeze, etc).

The Rules:

No Mega Stars. And besides, would you really wanna hang with the Michael Jordan, Tom Cruise, Bono type? Not me. We're lookin' for the guys you could call on a Friday night to come play cards and they might actually be available. We are trying to be somewhat realistic here.

20-21. The rest of Green Day. Says one loyal reader:

Billie Joe was way cool that time Clint and I met him in Park City, but i would probably want to hang out with the whole band. I mean why not? Tre complimented Clint on his jacket when he was just walking by and Mike D. was chill, too.

22. Kaley Cuoco: TV Actress from "Big Bang Theory." Ok, she may be a little out of the league, but she hangs with nerds on the show. Can we all have a cute friend next door?

23. Andrei Kirelenko - Utah Jazz: He's your token foreign guy who would say funny things in English due to lack of translation. He's goofy, and he plays a lot of video games.

24. Jack White - The White Stripes. Two votes were received.

He would be the super interesting, but really eccentric friend. For some reason, I'd love to talk to him and figure out what goes on in his head.

Another reader remarks:

I'd give anything to meet Jack White and have a serious musical discussion with him, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be very hang-outable."

25. Tina Fey: Former SNL news anchor, "30 Rock." Personally, I've never been the biggest Tina Fey fan, but anyone who could bring us something as quotable as "Mean Girls" can make this list. Plus, she does a great Sarah Palin. Reader says:

I can't believe I forgot to mention Tina Fey. She's totally at the top of the chicklist, and by chicklist I mean "one of the guys, but is actually a girl" list.

I need a music chick...

The Top 20 Hang Out List

Alright. We have a mission, we are compiling a list of cool "celebrities" that would be guys (and perhaps the token chick that's just one of the guys) that we would want to hang out with. The Goal: 100 names of celebrities, actors, athletes, entertainers, musicians, comedians, writers or just anyone famous who you could see hanging out with (watching the game, playing some Xbox, shooting the breeze, etc).

I stole this idea from Rhett and Jon. I guess there are a few stipulations. No mega stars. And besides, would you really wanna hang with the Michael Jordan, Tom Cruise, Bono type? Not for me. You could call the people on this list on a Friday night to come play cards and they might actually be available.

In fact, Jimmy Kimmel hosts a huge BBQ/party every Sunday during the NFL season that the Sports Guy and Adam Corolla attend. They have become a part of a new and upcoming Brat Pack. None of these guys are young or even major players in Hollywood, but just that fact that some of these people actually hang out gives you the idea of what we are shooting for. I don't think I could get an exact order of top 100, so in no particular order. And remember, feedback is wanted.

1. Mike Judge - Creator of "Beavis & Butthead," "King of the Hill," "Office Space" and "Idiocracy." Anybody who could come up with the commentary that "Beavis and Butthead" provided to music videos is a shoe-in. Not to mention he gave us the funniest movie of the last decade with "Office Space" and he's from Albuquerque, which explains his humor perfectly.

2. Luke Wilson - Actor from "Old School." I know a guy who knew a guy who went to a party in Park City during Sundance a few years back. He found a room away from the party where he watched hockey with some chill guy for a few hours. He discovered later that it was Luke Wilson. Luke watches hockey. He gets the nod over Vince Vaughn (talks too much) and his brother Owen Wilson (didn't try to commit suicide.)

3. David Grohl - Foo Fighters front man, Nirvana drummer. SIDE NOTE: Have you noticed that the Foo Fighters have been around since 1995?!?!?! And just now I can type that he is the face of Foo Fighters (13 years of hard work) before the drummer of Nirvana (3 years in the limelight). Congrats Dave on finally breaking out of Kurt Cobain's shadow. Round of applause, please.

4. Jim Gaffigan - Stand up comic (Hot pocket, Pale Force, pale Mormon looking fellow from the Sierra Mist commercials). He slightly edges Brian Regan because I think that Regan would want all the attention in the room because his comedy requires a lot of yelling. HEY GUYS! I GOT A JOKE FOR YA! And sorry girls, dudes wouldn't want to hang with Dane Cook. Trust me.

5. Adam Corolla - "The Man Show" and "Love Lines" - Adam had his own show on Comedy Central and it was 30 minutes of the best blandness ever. By every account, he is one of the funniest humans alive. He can talk about straws and make it funny.

6. Bill Simmons aka The Sports Guy from ESPN.com - My favorite writer of all-time. Although I wish he could just sit there and type because his high-pitched voice is just unacceptable.

7. Michael Cera - Actor from "Superbad" and "Juno." Also played George Michael from "Arrested Development." He's just a funny kid and he knows how to apply the awkward pause better than anybody in Hollywood.

8. Paul Rudd - Actor from "Clueless," "Knocked Up," and "Anchorman." He has really come a long way from his days in "Clueless" since he joined forces with Judd Apatow. He beats out Jonah Hill (too loud) and Seth Rogan (too weird). Plus he was unforgettable with his performance in "Anchorman." I'm officially nominating him for Best Supporting Comedy Actor of All-Time.

9. Seth Green - Actor from "Can't Hardly Wait," "Italian Job" and creator of "Robot Chicken." Some people might find him a little irritating, but you have include at least one nerdy/girly type in the group.

10. Chuck Klosterman - Pop Culture Guru and Author of "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs." Speaking of nerdy, he embodies the uber intellectual nerd and he could be a little toward the end of the list of guys to invite, but he makes the cut because he is a die-hard basketball and football fan. Plus, anyone who can write a 250-page book (Fargo: Rock City) talking about how sweet 80s metal gets an automatic bid.

11. Danny McBride - Actor in "Hot Rod" and "Pineapple Express". Has given us one-liners like "This is my hat now!" or "I know, right!". He is currently the funniest man in Hollywood, hands down. Here is a picture of Danny McBride (left) spraying Bill Hader (right).

12. Bill Hader - Current "SNL" selection - Andy Samberg gets all the credit with his Digital Shorts and the "Hot Rod" movie, but Bill isn't always making faces and does some amazing impersonations that gives him the nod.

13. Kevin Nealon - Early 90s "Saturday Night Live" Weekend Update Anchor - I was trying to think of someone from the dream team of the early 90s "Saturday Night Live" all-stars, and ended up choosing the guy who ended up having a career dud. He could possibly be confused as looking like Bob Saget, but Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, David Spade, Phil Hartman and Mike Meyers all possessed flaws that makes me not want to invite them over.

14. Charles Oakley - Former New York Knicks Player/Enforcer. (Pictured) I was thinking about Shaq for this spot, but his ego might get in the way of wanting to hang out with Average Joe (yes I just referred to me in the 3rd person). Plus, I award Oakley major points because nobody would f--- with you if he was in your entourage.

15. Adalius Thomas - Linebacker New England Patriots - He gets the nod because he and CB Gary Baxter were the coolest players I knew on the Baltimore Ravens squad in 2003. Being a sixth round draft pick, he's not too full of himself.

16. Billie Joe Armstrong - Green Day. I haven't seen enough interviews to make a full opinion and the whole eye makeup thing is a little weird. I imagine the bass player Mike Dirnt would be more chill. But hey at least Billie Joe isn't as peculiar as Rivers Cuomo from Weezer.

TOKEN "Just One of the Guys" GIRLS:

WARNING: I don't fully understand girl world, but these are some that I would have over for the game.

17. Amanda Bynes - Actress from "She's The Man" and "Sydney White." She's 21, so don't think I am a sicko. I just think the two movies mentioned above show how funny and quirky she really is.

18. Rachel McAdams - Actress from "Wedding Crashers" and "Mean Girls." She scores major comedy points, and I think she's Canadian.

19. Anna Faris - Actress from "Scary Movie" and "Just Friends." Frickin' hilarious

20. Kristen Bell (right) - aka Veronica Mars. So hot, and I read she's pretty chill.

Back to Sports...March Madness and NBA Playoffs Loom

Ahhhh... The post Super Bowl drag is over. The month of February is notoriously slow in the world of sports. The only thing of value is NBA All-Star Weekend. It was one of my favorite sporting events growing up, but it has lost a lot of value over the years, and it hasn't even been on network television for years since its demotion to cable's TNT. Although TNT does provide the best NBA analysis and studio coverage, not everybody tunes into TNT for sporting events.

Now it's time for March Madness. March Madness is the best sporting postseason available. Although the best team doesn't always win the title, it provides the most drama. We got 64 teams (the new 65th team doesn't count even though I learned it happened because our local Mountain West Conference being formed after the split from the WAC) and it's pure bracket winner take all.

Most people would say that college sports are the best because the players "play for the love of the game" unlike spoiled professional athletes that get paid millions of dollars to play a recreational game, but I actually do like NBA ball better. The talent is supreme, the games are higher-scoring, and it's better for television.

Although college has the true "hustle" factor going its way, the games are extra sloppy with kids diving everywhere for loose balls, trying to draw garbage charge fouls to impress their tyrant coaches and putting bricks galore from the high school three-point line. This is where guys can get a scholarship shooting 40 percent or less from the free-throw line. Even Shaq can hit within the 50-60 percent range.

But brackets come out on Sunday, and everybody loves brackets. Everybody! And sure enough, some idiot in your office pool wins every year because they picked the teams that sounded cute. Last year, I tried one bracket where I just picked the favorites from every game, and it didn't win. But hey, it's fun; it's good times. By the time the Final Four rolls around, it usually involves four teams I couldn't care less about, so I usually don't watch the Saturday games. But usually someone throws a decent party on Championship Monday and the socializing is good, but the game is usually extra, extra sloppy for a title game.

CBS still has to get rid of Billy Packer, but that'll never happen because he now has a special "cantankerous" appeal where people will watch to see what comes out of his mouth next, much like John Madden for the NFL and Bill Walton for the NBA. But that's a whole different entry in and of itself.

But anyway, happy brackets this week. Go BYU! May you finally get out of the first round.

I am actually much more excited for the upcoming NBA playoffs and how the seeding will occur. The NBA used to have a best-of-five playoff format for the first round, and when they switched it to best-of-seven, I thought it was a terrible idea. But now with the the Western Conference have the top-8 teams in with a projected 52 wins under each belt and only 5 games separating No. 1 through No. 8, it should be just as exciting as March Madness and probably even a lot more memorable.

Now if the Jazz can find a way to avoid the Spurs and the Lakers, it should make for some good basketball.

Valentine's Day and Sports

Ahhhhhhhh. Valentine's Day. The day for lovers... couples... people who have someone to spend money on. It's always a silly holiday for t
hose of us who are ridiculously single. We are always looking at our friends with girlfriends and get a little jealous.

The past few Valentine's haven't been that great for me... in fact, a little trainwrecked...

This year: Surprisingly good. Laid low. It's was my niece's 13th birthday so I went out to dinner with their family.

Last year: After a hard day of

delivering flowers, I took the girl I was in love with to my church basketball game and she ended up interested in the star player from my own team!!!
2006: Dumped by my girlfriend that night after cooking her dinner and buying her a bracelet. All she could do was complain the bracelet was too big (like she was saying I thought she was fat.... How is a guys supposed to know wrist size???)... I still think she ended up hooking up with one of her roommates' guy friends who crashed our "candlelight" dinner.

2005: Gave a rose to the girl I ended up falling for after Thanksgiving... I ended up asking her out a few weeks earlier... Needless to say, I never got a second date... but knowing me, I still ended up liking the girl for six more months. Geez, I'm pathetic!

2004: Living in Baltimore at the time... unemployed and getting ready to come back West... I don't even think girls knew I was alive...

2003: I had two tickets to see the Jazz play the Wizards. Sports note: This was Michael Jordan's final season. The last chance to see him in person. I went. I had asked some Brazilian chick to the game and she said no 'cause she wanted to spend time with her mom... wow, dissed by a Brazilian! Anyway, I went to the game with my buddy John... they were passing out carnations to people, I went to get one as a joke and the usher denied my request... the geriatric probably thought I was a homo... CAN IT GET ANY WORSE...

I can't remember more damage before that... Oh wait...

2002: Salt Lake City Olympics were in town, I was in like with a girl... she was a ho, we all knew that... I think I gave her a flower or something. We had recently gone on a date to see "Crossroads" because she had the same name as the main actress (who has had a bigger drop in her career than Shawn Kemp) .

2001: My first love had dumped me right before Christmas... I think by this time she was engaged to someone else...

You know what... screw Valentine's Day. It's just a big waste of money on flowers, chocolate's and a time for dudes in relationships for a little guaranteed action, if they follow the trend... when I'm married (some year) my goal will be to get AWESOME ACTION the day before and after just to prove a point...

But there are two awesome, awesome things the sports worlds provides losers who like sports but don't have girls to make up for this faux-holiday: The SI Swimsuit edition, and the dunk contest. Both have lost a lot of flair since the 90s but hey, maybe I can think of a way to combine them into one amazing event to really liven things up... ahem...

I propose a dunk contest by hot athletic chicks in bikinis in a shallow pool with a backboard. I know there are sponsors out there. This is America! The great nation that brought us "The Man Show." (and "Beavis and Butthead"... huh huh...yeah)

Clemens, Baseball and Steroids

Guess what, I don't care...

Is this the face of a winner???

Are you still a believer in Giants QB Eli Manning?

Put your money on the Patriots!