Summer Sports

Hooray! Summer sports season is officially over today. NFL training camps opened! Football is here! FINALLY!

I know it's been just over a month since the Boston Celtics captured the NBA title, but to me it feels like I've watched dozens of movies and read plenty of books to help fill the black hole. We had the NBA draft, which is becoming less of an event as I realize it means nothing until three years down the road. We had lots of baseball, golf and an exciting Wimbledon Final.

But what I discovered this year is that my two favorite "sports" of the summer are:

1) Poker: Texas Hold 'Em

2) Hacky sack (also known as "footbag," and called "Sipa" -- which is a brand name -- by someone here in Utah).

I know, I know... Some of you will disagree that poker and hacky sack are not actually sports, which provides me the content of today's blog. What is and what is NOT a sport? What criteria are most important to make the cut? And finally, is golf a sport?

Well, lets put it to the test...

I have three rules about a whether or not something is a sport...

a) Rules/Pressure: There have to be rules, competition, winners, losers, time limits, etc. A game has to be played, and a result has to be concluded.

b) Athlete/Skill: Does it make you sweat? Or does it require absolute peak physical condition to play at the top level? Are you considered an athlete to play the sport?

c) Equipment. Does it involve some type of ball, or even a special pair of shoes. Sports are not something you do while wearing a suit.

I also have a few sub rules, that are not a requirement, but things I consider important help make it pass the test. We'll call them Joe requirements.

i) Can you drink alcohol and play at the same time?

ii) Is it considered "manly"?

iii) Team sports are given a higher value than individual sports. Although athletes are not necessarily better or worse for participating in a team sport, team sports draw a level of respect because of the camaraderie and teamwork involved.

Sports are part of what makes a man, well "a man" (grunt). One of the main differences between boys and girls is that a boy can take a ball and be entertained for hours on end, while girls tend to get bored quickly with the ball/toy/contraption, the rules and the competition. Then they'll leave to form a group and want to talk amongst themselves for hours upon end. So if you're a dude and you fall on the latter end, you're either metrosexual or a geek.

So, let's take an example:

Football: You take a funny shaped ball, hit each other a lot, and throw in a million rules and BOOM, you have the most popular sport in America. I think we can all agree football fits the criteria for a sport.

SOLID SPORTS: football, basketball, soccer, hockey, volleyball, lacrosse, gymnastics, swimming, track and field, wrestling, boxing, tennis, baseball etc.

Now, let's look at an example of a borderline sport:

Ultimate Frisbee: You take a Frisbee, pass it around, with the goal of getting to a certain point to score points. You run, you sweat, but it's really quite silly, and the die-hards who actually play it regularly take it way too seriously. It's a sport, but really no one in their right mind wants to admit it.

BORDERLINE SPORTS: Ultimate Frisbee, softball, Quidditch, cycling, etc.

The Baseball/Softball debate: Baseball makes the cut, and softball doesn't. Softball a bastardized version of baseball. But here is the thing about baseball. Baseball is a team sport that really ends up being a battle between the pitcher and the hitter while 8 people stand around on defense and 8 teammates watch from the dugout. But it requires strength to hit the ball deep, it can tire you out by running the bases, and collisions in the outfield and the home plate are just awesome. But these athletes get paid millions of dollars to make a plate appearance four times a game, then go in the outfield to maybe catch 3-4 balls per game. It's a sport highly dependant on skills, which is why a guy like Nolan Ryan and Julio Franco can play well into their mid 40s and guys like Jim Abbott (one arm) Cecil and Prince Fielder (fat asses) can make the pros.

Quidditch: The wizard/witch imaginary sport created in the Harry Potter books seems like a legit sport. It's like flying soccer with some American aspects (hoops, etc). But the scoring makes no sense. Each team has players that score goals worth 10 points on each other. But each team has an independent dude (the seeker) that flies around trying to catch something (the snitch) that will score 150 points and end the game, which almost always happens. It's like two sports in one??? In book four of the series ("The Goblet of Fire"), Viktor Krum is an excellent seeker stuck on a crappy team of goal scorers. His team gets down 150 points on goals, yet he still catches the snitch to end the game. Everybody is satisfied because the other team won, but Krum was amazing. The book states that he was trying to save his team further embarrassment by ending the game, but really who in their right mind would end the game if it meant losing?

Quidditch is fundamentally flawed and no dude would ever accept those rules to a game of such "great importance" in the wizard world.

Not a sport. Here is an example of something that isn't a sport:

Poker: Poker is not a sport. Although it can be considered a sport with its recent popularity and airings on ESPN, it requires no physical activity. It takes skill to read your opponent and wits to make and call bluffs, but guys sit around for hours and hours and bet money. Any fat blob, or blind person can sit down and play and it is not a sport. It's a game.

NON-SPORTS: Poker, hacky sack, golf, darts, video games, jogging, weightlifting, NASCAR, and I'm sure there are plenty of others...

Golf: Ok, here is where the arguments start and people will call me a moron. Does golf have rules and competition? Yes. Does it require athletic ability to crush the ball long ? Yes. Is there special equipment? Yes.

So what's my problem with golf? Is it hard? Yes. Does it make professional athletes like Michael Jordan look ridiculous playing it? Yes. When you boil it down, it's a skill. It's a skill that millions covet.

Here are my problems with golf. Greg Norman is 53 years old and just nearly won a tournament. Pro golfers have caddies! People go drink and play golf -- hand-in-hand. Michelle Wie is a 14-year old girl, yet they let her play against the professionals in the men's league. Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open with a torn ACL!

Young boys don't start playing golf. Men who are past their prime physical physique start playing golf. It's an excuse to still do something once you've developed your beer gut. It's something utilized to avoid the wife once you retire (like work used to do when you worked). It's a hobby for rich people. It's a skill you acquire. It's revered by millions, but it's not an athletic event. Thanks to Tiger, it has inspired younger golfers. But really, it was bound to happen. You plug an athlete like him into an old man's game and of course he would inspire millions of youngsters to play. That would be like me taking over shuffleboard tournaments on a cruise ship.

So there you have it. Let the arguments begin.

Catching Up With Average Joe Through Video

Utah Jazz: The Offseason

A few weeks ago, Salt Lake Tribune columnist Gordon Monson wrote an article that if the Jazz really do want to contend for the title, they must make a move now. With the recent playoff success of the Jazz making the Western Conference Finals in 2007 and the Western Conference Semifinals in 2008, many would believe that the young Jazz team can stay in contention for an NBA championship for many years to come. Monson, however, still believes that the team is one major piece away from the title, and I must concur.

Unless the Jazz want to torture their fan base for the next decade like they did with the Stockton and Malone era and build teams that can almost get you there, but never actually climb over the mountain, then yes, they should keep Deron and Boozer together for as long as possible. Sure, there will be an ever-revolving door at shooting guard, and we have likeable players like Mehmet Okur, Matt Harpring, Paul Milsap and Kyle Korver, but this Jazz team is not built to conquer the Western Conference. We still need a defensive-minded wing player and a defensive minded shot blocker to keep the opposing team out of the middle. If we want that to happen, we must spend the full-mid-level exception on a player like a James Posey, Corey Maggette or Desagana Diop.

Right now, the free agency period has just started and the Jazz have a few major questions regarding their roster and what they can do. Here are a few options:

a) The Jazz keep the current team in place. As of right now, we have all 15 roster spots filled up after drafting Kosta Koufus in the first round of the NBA draft and assuming CJ Miles accepts his offer the Jazz received. The team, as constructed, remains as intact as it did from last year, for better or for worse: PG - Deron Williams, Ronnie Price, Jason Hart, SG - Ronnie Brewer, Kyle Korver, Morris Almond, SF - Andrei Kirilenko, Matt Harpring, CJ Miles, PF - Carlos Boozer, Paul Millsap, Useless Collins, C - Mehmet Okur, Kyrlo Fesenko, Kosta Koufos. That's 15.

This is a 50-win team that gets you into the 2nd round of the playoffs and maybe even the Western Conference Finals because the San Antonio Spurs have a lot of holes and age issues, and the Phoenix Suns and Dallas Mavericks have a new coach.

Problem: The main problem with this roster is that we could lose to the Lakers once again, but maybe it happens in the Western Conference Finals. The other major problem is that once that happens, major changes will have to take place like the retirement of Jerry Sloan or the Jazz going over the cap in the summer of 2009 once Deron Williams' extension kicks in. If that were the case if Boozer were to opt out, we may lose him anyway because we can't afford to keep him without trading Okur or AK47.

Resolve: It's not a bad idea to stick with it one more year because we'll have Kyle Korver from the start, and Koufus may be a long term solution as a replacement for Mehmet Okur. The major factor is Carlos Boozer. He has no reason to stay with the team. He's been with the Jazz for four seasons now. The first two were highly-criticized because of his injury woes, and the last two were 20-10 seasons, but again much criticism after his disappearance in the playoffs. He owes Jazz fans no loyalty. We've been quick to criticize, so he may bolt next summer and go to a place where he can be more appreciated, paid more and in a bigger market.

b) Trade Boozer now. We could trade Boozer now because of his opt-out clause after next season. He could easily pull a Baron Davis on us, and given the circumstance in the previous paragraph, it could be possible. It's hard to leave a PG as good as Deron Williams, but anything's possible.

I suggest a sign-and-trade with the L.A. Clippers for Elton Brand. Maybe we could get Brand a little cheaper because he's coming off an injury where he missed all of last season. Brand doesn't score as well as Boozer, but he liked the paint more, is better on the offensive glass and would like the winning environment the Jazz offer as opposed to the Clippers. Sure, Baron Davis in L.A. is nice, but still not nearly as deep as the Jazz.

The only major concern here is that, once again, if Brand were locked into a long-term deal, we would have to trade Mehmet Okur or AK47 next summer. Both of these players are somewhat hard to trade, but Okur is easier as his contract is shorter, plus if Koufos is our next Okur, then we'll have a year to see.

c) Actually, with our roster currently locked at 14-15 spots, that's all we can do. The major issue right now is Deron Williams and signing his extension before October. I think he's 95% sure he signs; but for how long? Three years, four years or five years? The power is all in his hands. Lebron, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade set a new precendent a few summers ago when they signed for the three-year minimum instead of the maximun five-year deal.

Plus, I think I'm the only person in the state that thinks of the 5% chance that Deron doesn't sign here in Utah at all. He can just not sign this summer, hold the entire state hostage for a year (man that would be awkward!), then become a free agent next summer and sign in any major market available (New York, etc.).

Look, Deron has a major ego. He doesn't owe the Jazz anything. Why stay here and do tiny mom-and-pop commercials his whole career and get lost in the smallest NBA market with a cheap owner? He's still admits to being pissed that Sloan was dumb enough to not start him in his rookie year. Because of that, he's had to play second fiddle to Chris Paul for the past few years. Chris Paul is happy to stay in New Orleans because he already generates the national buzz. That national love is not getting proportionately given to Deron, but IF he went to a bad situation in a huge market (like the Knicks) and turn that thing around on his own (which he could easily do) he would get all the credit in the world. Sure it would take an extra year or two off his career, but it's better than repeating the careers of Stockton and Malone where the Jazz were always one piece away.

You see, Larry Miller and the Jazz have always been and always will be too cheap to pay that extra contract/luxury tax to give us a title! It's not like it's going to change now. Yes, Larry will give Deron the max contract, but with him taking the max contract, will he be willing to pay other quality players to surround Deron with the right pieces to win the title? No! It's not going to change anything.

If the Heat and Celtics taught us one thing these past three years, it's that it's totally worth mortgaging the future for one title. It just is! I'd rather have an NBA title as a Heat fan, knowing that they were going to have the worst record in the NBA two years later. I'd take that any day than being a 50-win team for the next 15 seasons with no title. I've already been there done that, and I don't feel like getting tortured for the next ten years due to shrewdness. I'd rather be a Laker, Heat or Celtics fan (wow, it hurts type that).

The perfect example of this is Mark Cuban and the Dallas Mavericks. When Shaquille O'Neal was traded from Los Angeles to the Miami Heat, Cuban could have traded Dirk and L.A. would have accepted his offer. But Cuban knew that Dirk was younger and a future regular-season MVP who would deliver 50-win seasons. Then he gave Steve Nash's money to Erick Dampier (a 7-footer) instead. Don't you think that a Dallas nucleus of Steve Nash, Michael Finley and Shaq would have won a title just as easily as the Heat did? Yes! All those players were aging, so Cuban went long-term instead of short-term. His mistake was so huge that Shaq beat HIS team for the title, and it nagged at him so bad that he pulled the gun on the horrible Jason Kidd trade this year. Too little, too late...

Arghhhhhhh, it sucks being a Jazz fan, but I am what I am.

My First Home Run

I'd just like to announce to everybody that I hit my first ever home run yesterday at softball practice! I know, I know, it was just practice, and it was a practice on a shorter field. But listen to me, if you have ever seen me play softball, I'm lucky to hit it out of the infield. So when I was doing batting practice, and the guy behind home plate was giving me a few pointers, then I crushed that ball over that shorter fence, it felt great!

I doubt this will translate to my terrible softball team on Thursday night, but for one swing, the ball went over, and I can live with that forever.

It reminded me of the first time I ever dunked a basketball. Sure, it was in Brazil and I would guess the rim was about an inch or two shorter than a regulation hoop, but for a few weeks in the summer of 2002, I was dunking it with regularity in the southern hemisphere, and I too, can live with that forever.

If only I could have scored a touchdown in a real football game with pads, but that will never happen... I knew that when I took off my helmet after my final game my senior year that it was over. But I'll take 2 out of 3 any time.

I guess I could forever wait for a hole-in-one in golf, but since golf is not a real sport, I don't have to worry about that.

Blog Entry Wednesday, June 25

I have recently been asked to give my opinion for the upcoming BYU season. ESPN just wrote an article projecting the possible Bowl matchups even though we are two months before the first games are played. They predicted BYU would be in the BCS Fiesta Bowl versus the overrated Oklahoma Sooners (the same team that keeps going to BCS games and loses to LSU, USC, and Boise State in the infamous game).

I really do want BYU to go undefeated and get to and win a BCS bowl game, which I think is a possibility especially if it were the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, but there are two things that I can't get over.

First, BYU always starts out slow under coach Bronco Mendenhall. They were 1-3 in his first season and 1-2 in the past two seasons. We could've won a few of those games, namely the double-OT loss at Boston College and the Arizona game. Luckily for the Cougars I think we'll take care of UCLA at home this year, but we've always had trouble in Seattle at the University of Washington. Remember Lavell's last great year in 1996 when the team went 14-1 and beat Kansas State in the Cotton Bowl? The only loss on what could have been the first ever 15-0 season in college football history: at Washington.

Second, the Cougars have gone 8-0 in Mountain West Conference play the past two seasons. That, in and of itself is amazing! It means we have swept every team in the conference at THEIR place and at OUR stadium. Previously, in the 10 year history only three teams (the 2004 Utes, the 2005 TCU Horned Frogs, and the 2001 Cougars) had gone undefeated in conference play. We have done it two stinking years in a row in 2006 and 2007. No matter how much better the Cougars may be than the rest of the league, I just don't see it happening for a third straight season. Even if we get beat the Huskies in Washington and exact revenge against UCLA, I could still see the top-10 ranked BYU lose at TCU or at Air Force or (gulp!) at Utah with the hated Utes seeking revenge for the John Beck miracle of two years ago. I'm just not sure Harline is still going to be open.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but after being a loyal Cougar and Jazz fan my entire life, I must be a realist and I don't see the Cougars crashing the BCS just yet. My prediction is that Max Hall has a great junior year with an 11-2 record and another Las Vegas bowl win. But the reality will set in that we are not quite there yet, but a BCS bowl is possible in 2009 with a very talent laden senior class, but expectations are way too high this year. I hope karma makes me eat my words come January.

Summertime Blues

Oh no! It's the worst time of the year for sports! Summer has officially begun and the only sports happening are baseball, tennis, NASCAR and that hobby that people confuse as a sport called golf. Luckily, the World Series of Poker will give us another hobby worth watching now that Tiger is down and out with knee surgery.

Luckily, NFL training camps are only a month away, and football season is just over two months away. This week we do have the NBA draft, but this isn't a blue chip draft like last year's draft or the infamous 2003 draft that featured LeBron, Dwayne Wade and Carmelo, the drunken Nugget.

We have to look upon this past year and notice that all three major sports gave us title matchups that would make each sport proud. MLB gave us a World Series featuring everybody's favorite losers turned winners, the Boston Red Sox, versus the red-hot Colorado Rockies, who made and unprecedented run into the championship. The NFL gave us an undefeated New England Patriot team that got upset by the wild card N.Y. Giants in an amazing 4th quarter perfomance and the greatest play in the Superbowl yet with the amazing Helmet Catch. And the NBA Finals revisited the greatest East Coast vs. West Coast matchup with the Lakers-Celtics series that gave us a lot of drama while we watched the smug Phil Jackson and prima donna Kobe go down in flames!

On the flip side, all three sports needed an amazing championship story to help cover up some of the greatest controversies to ever face each game in the past 25 years. Baseball battled steroids with the Mitchell Report and the disputation over Barry Bonds breaking Hank Aaron's home run record. Football gave us an entire season of drama with Spygate and Bill Beli-cheat. Basketball gave us Tim Donaghy (the only crooked ref to be caught), which allowed us conspiracy theorists to finally have something to latch onto.

What an amazing 2007-2008 run we all experienced. I doubt we'll have anything close next year, but if it means we can go the season without the scandal, I can live with a Nets vs. Hornets Finals.

Sucked In

I haven't written much since the Jazz lost to the Lakers in the NBA playoffs. My last blog entry was pretty much me being a sore loser and bitter against the Jazz and the league. I didn't watch any of the Eastern and Western Conference Finals because I was too bitter to watch. When the league got the NBA Finals pairing they had been craving since Jordan beat my Jazz in 1998, I refused to watch.

But due to some bad weather, and not having anything else to do, I sat down to watched game 3 of the NBA Finals last night. I don't know why. I guess I just wanted to hang out with some friends. But there was really no drama involved. We all knew the Lakers were going to win. There was no way the NBA would allow the Celtics to take a 3 games to none lead and suck all the excitement out of the air.

Fortunately for us viewers, it was not a blowout. The Celtics managed to keep the game close despite the turr-ible games from Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce. But in the end, the Lakers got a couple of calls in the final two minutes to secure the victory. I'm not saying the refs were fixed, because the Lakers deserved to win the game due to Garnett's and Pierce's poor outings. But, the only drama of the game is that the Celtics kept it closer than we expected.

I've come to learn that a seven-game series really has no drama. It's just a chance for the league to sell 5-7 games instead of one. We all know how it's going to play out. And somewhere during games 4-6 there is a turning point, where one of the teams (usually the favored one) does just enough, or gets a lucky enough break to win a pivotal game and suck the life out of the other team (usually the underdog). So we as fans, commit ourselves to two weeks of television for one made or missed shot, one bad bounce or one bad call.

I'm not saying it's bad. At least football does all of this in one game, and doesn't spread it out over two weeks like a bad reality show. Think about it -- there is never any real drama in a reality show. We all know what's going to happen, but we sit through seven episodes of yelling to get that one pivotal moment. But somehow the networks "create drama" in every show where "someone is going to get kicked off." Oh NO! But we all know who the drama queen is that is leaving.

That's what the NBA Playoffs have become. One big reality show, like "American Idol," "Survivor," or even "Rock of Love." We all know who is going to be in the final 2-3 from the start, and we sit through two months of obvious crap just to see which one of the 2-3 gets to be "voted" champion.

At least the NFL is more like a movie. You get a week's worth of previews, but then you get one movie to sit through on Sunday that is provided with real drama, then you're done and on to the next week of previews before the next "feature presentation."

And that why the NFL is king. It's Hollywood versus bad cable reality shows. And we all hate reality shows even when we do get sucked in, because we know they are cheap and we hate admitting our guilty pleasures. At least with movies, you don't have to be ashamed to admit you like them.