Summer Sports

Hooray! Summer sports season is officially over today. NFL training camps opened! Football is here! FINALLY!

I know it's been just over a month since the Boston Celtics captured the NBA title, but to me it feels like I've watched dozens of movies and read plenty of books to help fill the black hole. We had the NBA draft, which is becoming less of an event as I realize it means nothing until three years down the road. We had lots of baseball, golf and an exciting Wimbledon Final.

But what I discovered this year is that my two favorite "sports" of the summer are:

1) Poker: Texas Hold 'Em

2) Hacky sack (also known as "footbag," and called "Sipa" -- which is a brand name -- by someone here in Utah).

I know, I know... Some of you will disagree that poker and hacky sack are not actually sports, which provides me the content of today's blog. What is and what is NOT a sport? What criteria are most important to make the cut? And finally, is golf a sport?

Well, lets put it to the test...

I have three rules about a whether or not something is a sport...

a) Rules/Pressure: There have to be rules, competition, winners, losers, time limits, etc. A game has to be played, and a result has to be concluded.

b) Athlete/Skill: Does it make you sweat? Or does it require absolute peak physical condition to play at the top level? Are you considered an athlete to play the sport?

c) Equipment. Does it involve some type of ball, or even a special pair of shoes. Sports are not something you do while wearing a suit.

I also have a few sub rules, that are not a requirement, but things I consider important help make it pass the test. We'll call them Joe requirements.

i) Can you drink alcohol and play at the same time?

ii) Is it considered "manly"?

iii) Team sports are given a higher value than individual sports. Although athletes are not necessarily better or worse for participating in a team sport, team sports draw a level of respect because of the camaraderie and teamwork involved.

Sports are part of what makes a man, well "a man" (grunt). One of the main differences between boys and girls is that a boy can take a ball and be entertained for hours on end, while girls tend to get bored quickly with the ball/toy/contraption, the rules and the competition. Then they'll leave to form a group and want to talk amongst themselves for hours upon end. So if you're a dude and you fall on the latter end, you're either metrosexual or a geek.

So, let's take an example:

Football: You take a funny shaped ball, hit each other a lot, and throw in a million rules and BOOM, you have the most popular sport in America. I think we can all agree football fits the criteria for a sport.

SOLID SPORTS: football, basketball, soccer, hockey, volleyball, lacrosse, gymnastics, swimming, track and field, wrestling, boxing, tennis, baseball etc.

Now, let's look at an example of a borderline sport:

Ultimate Frisbee: You take a Frisbee, pass it around, with the goal of getting to a certain point to score points. You run, you sweat, but it's really quite silly, and the die-hards who actually play it regularly take it way too seriously. It's a sport, but really no one in their right mind wants to admit it.

BORDERLINE SPORTS: Ultimate Frisbee, softball, Quidditch, cycling, etc.

The Baseball/Softball debate: Baseball makes the cut, and softball doesn't. Softball a bastardized version of baseball. But here is the thing about baseball. Baseball is a team sport that really ends up being a battle between the pitcher and the hitter while 8 people stand around on defense and 8 teammates watch from the dugout. But it requires strength to hit the ball deep, it can tire you out by running the bases, and collisions in the outfield and the home plate are just awesome. But these athletes get paid millions of dollars to make a plate appearance four times a game, then go in the outfield to maybe catch 3-4 balls per game. It's a sport highly dependant on skills, which is why a guy like Nolan Ryan and Julio Franco can play well into their mid 40s and guys like Jim Abbott (one arm) Cecil and Prince Fielder (fat asses) can make the pros.

Quidditch: The wizard/witch imaginary sport created in the Harry Potter books seems like a legit sport. It's like flying soccer with some American aspects (hoops, etc). But the scoring makes no sense. Each team has players that score goals worth 10 points on each other. But each team has an independent dude (the seeker) that flies around trying to catch something (the snitch) that will score 150 points and end the game, which almost always happens. It's like two sports in one??? In book four of the series ("The Goblet of Fire"), Viktor Krum is an excellent seeker stuck on a crappy team of goal scorers. His team gets down 150 points on goals, yet he still catches the snitch to end the game. Everybody is satisfied because the other team won, but Krum was amazing. The book states that he was trying to save his team further embarrassment by ending the game, but really who in their right mind would end the game if it meant losing?

Quidditch is fundamentally flawed and no dude would ever accept those rules to a game of such "great importance" in the wizard world.

Not a sport. Here is an example of something that isn't a sport:

Poker: Poker is not a sport. Although it can be considered a sport with its recent popularity and airings on ESPN, it requires no physical activity. It takes skill to read your opponent and wits to make and call bluffs, but guys sit around for hours and hours and bet money. Any fat blob, or blind person can sit down and play and it is not a sport. It's a game.

NON-SPORTS: Poker, hacky sack, golf, darts, video games, jogging, weightlifting, NASCAR, and I'm sure there are plenty of others...

Golf: Ok, here is where the arguments start and people will call me a moron. Does golf have rules and competition? Yes. Does it require athletic ability to crush the ball long ? Yes. Is there special equipment? Yes.

So what's my problem with golf? Is it hard? Yes. Does it make professional athletes like Michael Jordan look ridiculous playing it? Yes. When you boil it down, it's a skill. It's a skill that millions covet.

Here are my problems with golf. Greg Norman is 53 years old and just nearly won a tournament. Pro golfers have caddies! People go drink and play golf -- hand-in-hand. Michelle Wie is a 14-year old girl, yet they let her play against the professionals in the men's league. Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open with a torn ACL!

Young boys don't start playing golf. Men who are past their prime physical physique start playing golf. It's an excuse to still do something once you've developed your beer gut. It's something utilized to avoid the wife once you retire (like work used to do when you worked). It's a hobby for rich people. It's a skill you acquire. It's revered by millions, but it's not an athletic event. Thanks to Tiger, it has inspired younger golfers. But really, it was bound to happen. You plug an athlete like him into an old man's game and of course he would inspire millions of youngsters to play. That would be like me taking over shuffleboard tournaments on a cruise ship.

So there you have it. Let the arguments begin.